WTF Wednesday.

WTF Wednesday — I Had All the Information… I Just Didn’t Use It

There’s a very specific kind of realization that hits differently.

It’s not the “I had no idea” kind.

It’s the “Oh… I knew. I just didn’t want to know.” kind.

—

I’ve been thinking about this lately through a very non-leadership, very human experience.

A friendship from several years ago.

Or… what I thought was one.

Nothing dramatic. No big blow-up. No obvious betrayal.

Just small moments.

Comments that landed wrong.

A tone that felt dismissive.

Situations where I walked away thinking, “Huh… that didn’t feel great.”

And every single time?

I noticed.

And then I did what a lot of us do when we’re already carrying more than enough emotionally—

I minimized it.

I explained it away.

“They didn’t mean it like that.”

“I’m probably just sensitive right now.”

(This is an easy go-to, given I've been told I'm "too sensitive" my whole life - so it must be true).

“It’s not a big deal.”

Because if I let it be a big deal… then I’d have to deal with it.

And at the time?

I didn’t have the capacity for more loss.I was already carrying enough grief.

So instead of processing what I was seeing…

I kept moving.

—

Until one day, it all kind of stacked up at once.

And the realization wasn’t:

“I missed it.”

It was:

“I saw it. Repeatedly. I just never paused long enough to actually process what it meant.”

—

Here’s the leadership part (because you know there’s always one):

This is exactly what happens with feedback.

Especially at the executive level.

Leaders will say: “I didn’t know that was an issue.”

“No one told me.”

“That’s the first I’m hearing of it.”

But when we slow it down?

The signals were there.

In the meeting that felt tense. In the direct report who got quieter over time.

In the hesitation before someone answered honestly.

In the feedback that got just softened enough to be palatable.

You had the information.

You just didn’t stop long enough to actually process it.

—

Because processing requires something most leaders are short on:

Space. Honesty. And the willingness to hear something that might not feel great.

So instead…

We stay in motion.

We explain it away. We normalize it.

We move on to the next decision, the next meeting, the next fire.

And we tell ourselves we’re being efficient.

But here’s the truth:

Speed is the enemy of self-awareness.

—

Feedback isn’t useful if you’re too busy defending yourself to understand it.

And awareness doesn’t come from hearing more.

It comes from pausing long enough to interpret what you’ve already heard.

—

Sometimes the problem isn’t that you’re missing the signs.

It’s that you’re protecting yourself from what those signs might mean.

And that’s human.

But it’s also where leadership gets stuck.

—

If something has felt “off” more than once lately—in a relationship, on your team, or in your own leadership—

Don’t ask:

“Did I miss something?”

Ask:

“What have I already seen that I haven’t been willing to fully process?”

That’s usually where the real answer is.

~Steph