A Case of Mistaken Identity.....

Content, in the grass, in Seattle,,,,,,

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It was September of 2022, and I was in Seattle with my then teenaged daughter. I brought her with me to a conference to let her experience some of what life is like outside of Lexington, Kentucky, where we live. It was then - while walking through downtown Seattle, watching her eyes light up with amazement at all the cool things around us - experiencing pure joy and excitement - that it hit me.

"I used to be like her." That was it. I used to be this excited, joyful, adventurous, brave, person I was seeing right before me - in the form of my youngest child.

I had been absolutely miserable for a long time, and I couldn't decide what was driving it. I knew I wasn't happy in my marriage, yet I've always been taught to not trust my feelings - that I'm "just imagining things," - or any other variation of gaslighting you want to insert, there. I also knew work was killing me. I had reached my goal of being a COO, and yet I was miserable at work - where I was also frequently told that something about me was "wrong," - despite my tangible results and history of success. I was "too much" for everyone around me, it seemed.

Yet here was my daughter reminding me that it didn't have to be this way. I had forgotten who I was, because for the last 20+ years, my identity was simply - mother, wife, friend, boss, employee - and I was in charge of operations whether it was at work or home. I had no idea who I was anymore if it didn't relate to one of those titles. I'd been taught to be a "performer," all my life - and perform, I did - but it wasn't enough, and boy, it came at a cost.

During those days in Seattle, I remembered that as a young adult I was brave, and traveled to my first "big city" on my own by plane, train and automobile while my parents sat back and watched, amazed that I was just - going. I realized, with great sadness, how much of my true self I had set aside over the years - all of the artistic parts of myself - despite growing up with music being a huge part of who I was. I didn't sing anymore except in the shower. I didn't engage in any musical endeavors, because in my head, if it wasn't a performance that "meant something," like with a band, it didn't matter. I didn't do anything that wasn't in my mind, tied with a performative outcome that would maybe finally - finally - make someone proud of me in a way that felt real. My daughter still talks about how she saw the change in me during that trip - a realization something had shifted - a lightness, maybe - I don't know, exactly, yet she maintains she knew before I told her that change was coming.

It was then that I realized that I had to figure out what was going to make ME happy - and feel valued, and seen, and accepted for who I am, not what I can produce.

The rest is history, as they say. Three years later, I'm divorced, living by myself as an empty nester, and I resigned from the corporate grind. I took the leap and started my own business where I can help leaders not only excel in their own careers, but do so without losing themselves along the way. None of it has been easy, but the reward has been in reconnecting to myself.

And, the best part is, I get to work with the people who "see" me - who feel like I'm a good fit for them, and might be able to help them figure out if they've been living with a mistaken identity, too.

~ Steph ~